There’s something about politics that stirs my blue blood, sinners, and with all the fights from this month’s local elections, Russia’s bombing of innocents, and the fact that the little Korean woman who does such a fabulous job on my nails is getting deported back to her homeland — it’s all too much. I’ve decided to wash down a couple of Xanax with red wine and call it a night. My pool-boy Jay-Jay told me he would finish my column and send it on to that horrible man, John, who uses me to market this nasty rag. I still can’t believe that Demoncrat judge sentenced me to write for Camp after my unfortunate DUI. Before I slumber, enjoy Jay-Jay’s gay observations about Kansas City … and pray for us all.
LOL! I can’t believe that Francine is, like, handing me her laptop and letting me do this. OMG!
So these, like, two political people were fighting for the gays in Kansas City in the 44th District (whatever that means) and this race for the Missouri House was totally between these two people who loved us — duh! Jason Kander and Amy Coffman were on a queer-loving mission. Amy got a queer endorsement, and Jason had to get one, too. Then Jason got a lesbian major donor and Amy had to get one, too.
Both were good candidates and were qualified for the job, and the voters chose Jason. Yea for the gays!
OK. This is serious.
Have you (or someone you know) been treated like $%&@ or FIRED in KC ’cuz you’re GAY? My friends Leo and Ken have started a chapter of this new national group called Out & Equal. It totally is about employers treating gays & lesbians, like, normal. And equal.
They want to hear your story. You’ve been fired or discriminated against…’cuz you’re gay? E-mail them and let them know what happened. You can stay secret if you want. They are helping teach employers how to treat everyone equally, but they need to hear about what’s going on out there.
OK. I met this cute little guy (who’s older than me, but that doesn’t mean anything really) whose name is Jim, and he was telling me that a couple of years ago the Associated Press was in town when Missouri was voting on whether gays could marry or not and 70 percent of the butt-wipes in Missouri voted against us and we lost the marriage thing and Jim was featured in this photo I found on the AP Web site. I saw Jim sitting at the bar at 303, and started talking to him about this photo. The guy next to us turned to me and said, “I am an attorney and I don’t believe gays should be married, either.” I looked at him and snarled. Self-hating gays, like him, don’t deserve to live with my brave brothers and sisters who fight every day to live. Go hate yourself somewhere else, dude. I deserve marriage!!
So this guy, Mark, is the coolest guy that I totally could go out with, but he’s got this boyfriend. Mark has this radio show on KKFI called The Tenth Voice and he’s like, really, nice. But old. And taken. But if you see him say hi and listen to his show.
I don’t think the guy who publishes Camp, John, is a troll or anything, but Francine hates him with all her heart and I can’t figure out why. I played with his photo I found on Francine’s laptop to make her happy. He is sort of cute as a devil, don’t you think?
Before Francine passed out she wanted me to mention this White Party she attended in Mission Hills and show a picture she took with her new iPhone. It was really blurry, and it wasn’t the camera. She murmured something about tighty-whities and swimming pools, but surely she was joking, don’t you think?
Francine offers her slightly skewed viewpoint on issues in the Kansas City metropolitan area’s LGBT community in each issue of Camp. And since you’re asking, yes, she’s a fictional character. Well, you asked. Would you like to respond to Francine or give her a tip on something that may be of interest? E-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org.