A new year, and already I?m looking forward to spring, and the main reason ? April is the month when procreating heterosexuals have their once-a-year intimate relations. I have been invited to dozens of birthday gatherings these first two weeks of January, and as I count back nine months, there?s evidence that most proper Bible-Belt Christians choose one evening in April as their night to be intimate. […]
Is Loving My Gays Wrong?
Oh dear. My luscious toes are poking out of the bubbles, and my skin is wrinkled and pink. After an hour of slow-baste in my Jacuzzi, I want to share the holiday memories enjoyed with you gays the last two weeks
Being a celebrity columnist is a curse. It really is, heathens. As one of the nation?s leading Christians, I have a duty to lead you all into the Light, and as I follow the path of that shriveled little Mother Teresa, I imagine she would have had a Web site like mine (www.askfrancine.com) to archive her cute and clever columns. […]
I just carried my trash can to the curb in front of my handsome Loch Lloyd manse (I am a pioneer woman) and bumped into my next-door neighbor, Christian construction magnate Roe Messner. He?s the widower of Tammy Faye, whom I accidentally killed with my tuna surprise casserole a few months ago. […]
Satan has got hold of me, I swear. Who would have thought a conservative, modest girl could ever set foot in the evil places I?ve been these past two weeks? Since this hideous column is court-ordered by that liberal judge after my unfortunate DUI, I must obey and attend the gatherings that Camp assigns to me each week. […]